Sunday, 22 April 2012

Secret #43

Little girls, scare me. 13-14 year old girls, with mouths like prison women and wearing about as many clothes as strippers. With todays society, how can we expect any less? Popular culture provides a vessel for companys to pedal wares to the young consumer, who is more likely to spend their pocket money on material things to raise their status. But we cant continue to blame these companys, celebrities or social media. We need to look at ourselves.

The installation of self confidence begins young. Teaching young girls about their value in society and this ability to become whatever they want to be. Society has come a long way in its fight for equal rights for women, pay grades, voting, work...we are no longer chained to a house. Girls need to be taught about self worth, to gain the confidence needed to face all the things thrown at them from a very young age.

You are strong, you are kind, you are important. A valuble quote for any woman. To believe in yourself and the value of your person eminates positive energy. I personally find believing in this message, very hard. While deep down i know that its true, my personal view of myself, blocks out what i should be seeing. This is no fault of anyone but myself. I have to work on this and its something only i can do. Im halfway there, admitting the problem. Wish me luck! Xo

Where Did You Go?

I have been getting a couple of emails lately asking me what happened to my blogs. I had alot of stuff happen in my hiatus, stuff that diminished my confidence in my writing abilities.

Whilst it has been found to be untrue and unfair, it took away my drive, passion and ability to write exatly what im thinking. But im happy to say that im back...and im ready to write.

Over on my personal page, i have been undertaking the 365 Project (a photo a day for a year) to give people a little insight into me, my passions and my loves. Integrated into this is a personal calling it "Secret #52" where I include a secret a week. Some are sad, some are funny, but mostly its things that live in the back of my mind and I feel the need to get out. Instead of flooding this blog with catch up photos and stories, i will incorporate Secret #52 within my general blogs.

So stay tuned, tell your friends and i look forward to sharing with you a revamped F.orgotten in Silence Xo

Saturday, 2 July 2011

Pretty and Witty and Gay

I love gay men, gay women, I love gay people! I do, there is something about their confidence and personalities that I just adore. Im not talking about the fashion advice, or the insane gossipy chats, its the way that they accept you, for who you are. They don't judge, they just love, it really warms my heart.

I have a many homosexual friends and I wouldn't trade them for anything else in the world. But there seems to be a huge stigma about the way of life, people trying to prove that its a chemical imbalance in the brain, or a lifestyle choice that can be punished, or taught out of someone. I don't think this is the case at all and I think you just know if you like boys or girls, I don't think there is any funny business going on and if you like someone of the same sex, then that's okay. You shouldn't be punished for it.

In the society we live in its becoming more and more common and I believe with the new generation homosexuality is being accepted more freely. My problem is with the biggot bogan who have nothing better to do than gay bash. We are all people...seriously...what if tomorrow you woke up and the tables were turned, if heterosexuality was opposite the norm and this oppression was thrust onto you. It wouldn't really be too fun would it. I have had a couple of my mates bashed because they were dancing with some heros girlfeiend and they were threatened. As a matter of fact, one of my ex boyfriends was so threatened by one of my gay mates, he convinced himself that I was having sex with him. Isn't that the stupidest thing you have heard in your life? I couldn't possibly be hanging out with him because he was great to talk to and he made me laugh...nooo...its not possible to be a friend with the opposite sex for the pure intention of being friends! But I'm getting off topic...

I believe that same sex marriage should be legalized. Civil union = bullshit. Marriage is two people loving each other so much that they want to spend the rest of their lives together...fullstop....I don't remember EVER being told when I was a kid that it had to be a man and a woman...ever. It makes me so angry. Sexism, its real, and its ripe in our community. Its so bad that people live two lives, terrified of what their family and friends will think of their lifestyle, and that's sad. Who has ever been chastised for living and loving someone of the opposite sex?

Also, who's to say that two mums or two dads CANT be amazing parents? One of my lesbian friends just had a baby and she is a loving, warm and caring mother. Who is to say she wont be. Oh, and before you play the "every kid needs a father" card, what about all the men that run out on their baby mother before the child is born, or run away and hide so they don't have to pay child support,. This goes for mothers too, who are scared of the responsibility and aren't ready to grow up. The ones that dump the kids on the fathers so they can run out and party, drink and have sex with anyone that looks their way. Who are you to say that they will be better parents than a homosexual couple who are committed to each other and yearn to be a family.

Its wrong that these beautiful, gorgeous people are made to feel excluded from society and its lifestyle because of who they love. People who have sex with kids, and animals still walk freely in society but a man who kisses a man or a woman who kisses a woman is scorned for their lifestyle choice is chastised and beaten. Tell me where the fairness is in that, because I can't see it!

I'm sure you are proud of who you are and what you do. Embrace the people around you that might seem different, or extraverted, or lady like, or manly. They will add a dimension to your life you never knew existed. If you don't feel you can do that, then think about this. You love your family and would defend their honour to the ground, a parents love can't be measured. But, every single one of you, will have a homosexual in your family, whether it be a child, grandchild, parent, uncle, aunty, somewhere along the line there will be someone. The measure of strength will be how to deal with it and accept it. If it is with opened mind and love, your life will be enhanced in a way that you will never have known before. If you don't, you are just another biggot that will pass his hate gene to the next generation to oppress. You will be as bad as a racist!

I welcome you all with open arms, with no judgement, just love. I hope that you will do the same for me. Equality is the goal. Gay Pride, lets scream it from the rooftops, get the message out there, lets unite, in our fight, for freedom!!

Friday, 1 July 2011

Colour Between The Lines

Racism in Australia is beyond a joke. People in the town I live in are under the assumption that all aboriginal children are born with a goon bag in there hand and a centrelink cheque in their pocket. Its bullshit. I was always taught thay colour means nothing, black, white, caramel, we are all people ..were all humans. I'm not setting out to offend people, I just want to get my feelings out there.

From a young age I was taught that the colour of your skin doesn't matter, we are all just people and I believe that means that we should all have the same rights. Unfortunately this isn't always the case and I have found that as I have got older, its a select few that manage to bring down an entire people. We see it alot, especially around our area. Kids as young as 10 chroming aroung the corner, drinking, smoking and I know this isnt limited to colour as young caucasion children do it aswell, but as soon as someone sees someone of colour doing it, the race card is pulled out.

Mr Man can be a bit of a racist sometimes. He has a low tollerance for people that take advantage of the system or that use their colour as an excuse for their problems. I have found that in our group of friends its the same opinion with alot of them. Its really sad. I have friends of all races and I don't judge them for their colour. One of my best friends is Islander and I love her to peices. But when I hear her talk about how people will judge her because of what she's wearing or what they will think of her car, it makes me really sad. She's a good kid, she works for her money, and she deserves all the happiness in the world.

Reverse racism is really bad as well...fuck you whitey is often heard in our neighbourhood and the little kid next door once called me a Capitan Cook Cunt...because I told him to stop playing in our yard. He was no less than 8. But apparantly we deserve it. I'm of the opinon that we deffinately should of said sorry, as a country. We came here, raped their land, took their freedom away from them and introduced them to alcohol. Then when their dependancy gets so bad that they are having to make their towns "dry" to stop rape and abuse, we really have to have a look at the hand we had in it. I agree that as a child of the new generation I didn't personally have a hand in what happened, but my ancestors really fucked up...they did...and the stolen generation and the taking away of rights should never have happened.

In saying that though, I don't think anyone should be babyed in this country, the 4% homeloans are a joke...and the extra benefits you get because of the colour of your skin are just stupid. We are all capable of working, being responsible and an active member or society and I have no sympathy for any dole bludger that is capable of changing their situation and improving their life. It make me cranky that they cry poor and the race card when they have the ability to be something better.

I don't want to come across as a biggot, because that's not what I'm trying to do. I strongly belive education begins at home, with the parents. If your kids hear you say "aye ya black cunt" they are going to think its okay. If they here you say things about asians or indians they will always copy you, always. But its the same with chroming or drinking, you have to be a parent first. The system hasn't failed your kids, you have. Parenting is the same no matter what the colour, and you can see with the filthy mouths on some kids that its just not happening. They aren't going to school, they are constantly breaking the can't help but wonder what the home life is like. Can't be all good can it.

If parenting fails then its up to the legal system to pick up the slack, and once the kid is in the system it is rare that anything changes, then the "fuck the police" mindset is passed on to their children, then their children. Its a cycle that needs to be ended for racism to disappear. But their will always be one side oppressing another side and I just wont ever go away.

In a perfect world the colour of your skin wouldn't matter and you would be judged on the person you are and your merit. We can all take little steps to get there. Don't judge anymore, before you say something bad about a person of the opposite race, think what it would be like if that was happening to you. I just want everyone to live together, without the slurs, without the assumption of bad, just, get along. Im not expecting anyone to feel the way I do. Just make one change in the way you approach situations, you will find it will really change your life, or start too anyway. You will feel better about it, your life will be better. I promise!

Sunday, 26 June 2011

Medium Rare

Steak, is a beautiful thing, there is nothing I love better than a big thick piece of rib fillet, medium rare with Dianne sauce. I’m pretty sure I’m drooling just thinking about it. Where does out meat come from though? I used to work at a meat works; it’s where I met Mr. Man actually and where he still works. Part of the Certificate II Meat Processing Abattoirs (which they used to make you do when they employed you – so they could pay you traineeship wages!) is to do a tour of the plant and see what happens from start to finish. I was so intrigued by this experience that to this day, it is still one of my FAVOURITE stories to tell people with weak stomachs!

We are lucky here in Australia though, that our meat for consumption is handled in the way that it is. From what I have seen, the cattle in Australia are killed humanely, they are dead when they are drained of blood and sent into the kill floor where they are split into a million pieces and distributed to different departments. Some would argue that there is no humane way to intentionally kill an animal that wouldn’t have died at that time naturally. Yep, I would agree with you, probably. If you are going to argue that then there is NO way to humanely die. That people in hospitals that can’t fend for themselves should be taken off the drips and off the support that is keeping them alive and should be left for nature to take its course.

I know that you are thinking, how dare you compare animal life to human life, but what makes humans so amazing. We are all creatures of this earth. Humans, Animals, Nature, we are all Earthlings. I actually watched a documentary called Earthlings not that long ago, and it really affected me in a way that I wasn’t sure it would. It had me in tears in some parts, but I can’t say that it changed my way of thinking about things. It’s predominantly a documentary about the human relationship with animals on this earth. How we discriminate against them and place them below us, sometimes very below us, for our own gain. It focuses a lot on speciesism (the assigning of different values or rights to beings on the basis of their species membership). It is voiced by Joaquin Phoenix who manages to maintain one tone throughout the whole thing which is weirdly soothing while not taking away from the horrific images on the screen.

There are some amazing quotes throughout the whole thing which really moved me. I was trying to find a transcript for it so that I could pull some of them out, but I couldn’t. One of my favorites, which I was able to remember, was:
We need another and a wiser and perhaps a more mystical concept of animals. We patronize them for their incompleteness, for their tragic fate of having taken form so far beneath ourselves. And therein we err, we greatly err. For the animal shall not be measured by name. In a world older and more complex than ours they more finished and complete, gifted with extensions of the senses we have lost or never attained, living by voices we shall never hear. They are not brethren, they are not underlings; they are other nations, caught with ourselves in the net of life and time, fellow prisoners of the splendor and travail of the earth. – Henry Beston
I won’t lie, that quote, writing it, gave me Goosebumps. This guy is seriously onto something. The first animals were on earth before humans were. Our lineage all traces back to those micro-organisms billions of years ago, human and animal alike.

After the quotes and the speech the documentary breaks into five parts showing ways that we as humans discriminate animals place in the world. The first part is about using animals as pets and highlights the conditions of puppy farms as well as the overcrowding in pounds and general human attitude towards them. Its shows dogs being euthanized by lethal injection, as well as the use of gas chambers for dogs and cats in budget restricted animal shelters. It also shows the complete disregard and lack of compassion of some humans as a large dog is thrown in the back of a garbage truck and crushed. I will never forget the images of the dogs dropping immediately after the injection or the cats being put into these cages and then tipped out like a big fur rug. By the time this section was over I had tears rolling down my cheeks. It really shows the importance of responsible pet ownership and being sure when you are taking one on that you really can afford all of the responsibilities and time. The biggest thing is getting your pet desexed to try and stop all these hundreds of animals being put down every month. As someone who would do anything to make sure that my dogs were safe and happy, I really feel as though some people just aren’t doing enough, or loving enough. I can say with certainty that when we lose my gorgeous paw kids to the big leash free park in the sky, we will be adopting, either from the local pound, or a local animal organization. I want to be able to give an animal that hasn’t been given the chance to have a family, the opportunity to know what it is to be loved.

The next part is about where our meat comes from. Its shows the disgusting conditions in pig farms, including the treatment of sows, which are kept continually pregnant through artificial insemination and are in a sense, baby factories. It shows how they cut the teeth, ears, tails and castrate piglets, with no anesthetic, at a very young age. It shows the abbesses and missing body parts of grown up pigs in cramped conditions with nothing to do. It shows milking cows and how they are unable to graze, chained to their stalls until they die. It highlights the conditions in chicken farms and the overcrowding as well as the battery hen cages. The whole thing makes your skin crawl. Then they show the process of killing the animals. This depends on the type of animal, the plant, and the plan standards. All of what they show is horrendous. Many of the animals are still alive when their throats are cut and they bleed to death going down the line for processing. Like I have said before, I have worked in the meat industry for a little while and I have seen how they done this. So I know that the standards here in Australia are very high. It just makes me sad to know that these animals are suffering, all for the consumption of humans.

It then goes on to highlight the use of animals in Fashion. IM not talking about having a little Paris Hilton dog, but the use of their skin and fur in coats, shoes, bags, belts, all things fashion. This was one of the sections that I nearly couldn’t watch. It shows the cows of Indian families, being bought with the promise of being taken to a farm to live out the rest of their days. It then shows their harrowing journey to the one place in India where the killing of cows is allowed. Starved and roped they are loaded in and out of trucks with no ramps. Broken bones are not uncommon. They also break their tails to get them moving and when they are very hard to move, chili is rubbed into their eyes, often causing loss of sight. When they get to the end they are inhumanely killed in front of other cows. It’s very hard to watch. It also shows fur farms, where man animals are caught in the wild and put in cages to live out the rest of their days. They develop cage madness and are used as breeders as well. They are often carried out, past the carcasses of recently dead animals, to a place where they have an electric rod put up their anus, and a conductor bar put in their mouth, this is an insanely painful way to be killed, and many times the process has to be repeated multiple times. The one thing that I will never, ever forget, for all the rest of my days was a part in this section where a man, skins an animal, and once the skin is off, the animal blinks and looks at itself. I had to stop watching for a little bit at this point. My sobbing was waking up Mr. Man, the image is etched into my mind for the rest of my life.

The use of animals for entertainment is next highlighting the inadequacies of Circus to cater for their animals as well as the cruelty they face as part of their training. The way the trainers treat the Elephants and Lions is unbelievable. Then seeing the elephant go crazy and start killing people, escaping the circus and running down the street before it is subdued by multiple men with handguns as it is deemed dangerous. Nobody seems to stop and think what these circus animals face during their time at the circus. I support the current efforts in Australia to stop animal circuses from operating. No animal should be kept in cages and forced to perform day in day out. They do not do it because they are willing; they are only doing it because of a fear of pain. It shows the horrible deaths of bulls at the hands of matadors in Spain as well as the use of animals in rodeos. It really makes you stop and think about the impact that we have on them, and if we keep going to these events, then we are just supporting the industry and things will never change.

The last part is the use of animals for Medical and Military research. There are a lot of images in here that are hard to watch, and it is an incredibly touchy subject with a lot of people. There are arguments for, and against. I don’t believe that we are built the same way as animals. Their senses are not the same as ours and their pain receptors are different. They won’t always react the way that we will.

It goes on to recite some more information before coming to an end. It really opened my eyes to a lot of things that are going on in the world and it makes me a little bit sad. Like the animals that were shown to be mistreated in the way they were handled in Indonesia, so Australia put a trade ban on them. That was the only reason that I stumbled across this video actually, and it really made me sad. It has a very Vegan view on animals and it basically outlaws eating meat, or meat related products at all. I don’t think I could do that. I love my meat, but if we are going to take this extreme, and let’s face it, if you have watched the movie it has an extreme Vegan viewpoint.  If we are going to take it for what it is then, Humans, Animals, Nature are all earthlings, because trees are living things as well, and plants breathe. Well, what about vegetables, they grow as well, and they reproduce. Doesn’t that make them a living being as well? Were you a vegetable in your past life, do you know what it feels like to be cut in half? Probably not, but there seems to be a lot of research that shows they are more “conscience” than might be understood, that they respond to electromagnetic fields, physical stimulation and in some cases even music and words.

In some viewpoints this might come across as uninformed arrogance to put more value on one life form over another. Life is life. If you don’t want to kill then you are probably going to starve because life feeds on life, and its necessary, If you were out in the wild, whatever animal was going to have you for dinner, wouldn’t think twice about it. Nobody calls that inhumane and as humans we are designed to eat both meat and herbs over many years of evolution.

No matter how you look at it, the images in the documentary are horrible. But it just highlights the way that the meat producing industry needs to change where it is getting its meat from, and how it processes the meat. Not that we need to stop eating meat completely. If the system is going to change then you are going to have to expect an increase in prices because of all the additional guidelines that will have to be followed. Meat is always going to be available, whether it was processed properly or not. And I’m not going to stop eating meat, probably not ever. I’m just going to make better choices. Ensuring that no leather products I buy are from India. Making sure I am buying free range eggs and chicken. That my meat is born from the local meat works, where I KNOW the meat is processed correctly. Continue to be a responsible pet owner. We need to think about how the choices we make are impacting a being that may not think like us, but that still feels pain, fear, hunger, that still know what it is to be uncomfortable. I’m going to post the link below so that you can make the decision for yourself.

All this talk about animal cruelty has made me a little bit sad…I’m going to go and hug my dogs and tell them I love them. I’ll be over for dinner soon, I want my steak Medium Rare…!

Friday, 24 June 2011

Your Grounded!

So I opened the Morning Bulletin today and what do I see? Another drunken, abusive, aggressive man being granted immediate probation and a suspended sentence. Why am I starting to get the feeling that the justice system is really beginning to fail at his job? It seems every day there is another story of another wife beater, robber and drug dealer being given a slap on the wrists and released back into society. I’m pretty sure we are taught as children that if we do something wrong, then we deserves to be punished, something gets taken away from us for a period of time or we are sent to our room for a period of time. The worst thing we heard as kids and teenagers was “Your Grounded!”

So you would thing, as we got older, that the fear of incarceration would get stronger, especially seeing all the movies and documentaries about prison life. The word ‘Guilty’ replaces your grounded and sends you to a place that I know I would never want to go too! If Australia had a legal system like some other countries, maybe bad things wouldn’t continue to happen and remain unpunished. Like in Africa, if you steal something and the community finds out about it, instead of calling the police (who do nothing) they hunt the culprit down, stone them to death, and then set them on fire and cover the scene with dirt. It happens. Community justice because the legal system in their country is failing them.

But what makes a person want to do these things, the stealing and the fighting, what makes them go against everything they are taught as children? Well, I’m pretty sure they were never taught any of it at a young age. Bad family life, abusive parents, isn’t that what they say. You want to know who I blame, the government. Yep, if they didn’t make it so easy for 15-16 year old kids to have babies for money, then there would be less people struggling on welfare, less kids suffering because of their parents using welfare for drugs and alcohol, less of ALL of that.

For my parents to get me they had to get police checks, home checks, income checks, psyche checks, all to make sure they were sane, financially secure, had good values and could ACTUALLY look after me in a full capacity. This was a 5-6 year long process, it was exhausting, it was expensive but if they wanted a baby they had to do it! They had to go through all of that because they physically couldn’t have kids for themselves and had to adopt. I have always been of the strong belief that just because you can push a baby out of your lady bits, or have them cut out of your stomach, that doesn’t make you a parent. The unconditional love, the caring, the nurturing, ensuring that you are doing everything physically possible to make sure that your child has the best start in life. I can promise you that this doesn’t involve fending for itself at the age of 3 and making it watch mummy snort cocaine. In a perfect world you would EARN your ability to have kids, you would receive your ovaries and sperm makers after an extensive evaluation of your home life, stability, personality and financial capacity. It would get rid of a lot of the problems that society faces today. But, we aren’t robots and our organs aren’t easily removed…

That’s the problem with things at the moment though, there are all these kids…yes...KIDS…that are having babies when they are kids themselves either because they aren’t educated in safe sex, or just don’t care, or because it means they can drop out of school and be payed to stay at home. That’s how I see it, and I will never apologies for that.

We live with this “don’t worry about it, we all make mistakes” mindset. I mean how often have you been told that or heard that. Would you argue the truth of it? It seems that our judges may have forgotten it and that might be a little part of what is wrong with the current public liability insurance system. Should we as a society allow our judges to hand out enormous amounts of compensation to people because a mistake as been made? Yes, they should, keeping in mind that the result of the error would have to be extreme. We still make mistakes though, we make errors, I’m pretty glad that no one has ever taken me to court for my mistakes. An error is very different to gross negligence however. But what about judges? They make mistakes as well; legal appeals are the proof of that. But no one ever takes them to court to account for their errors.

I guess to put it into perspective, think about doctors. Do they have any right to make mistakes? If not then we aren’t really being fair are we. Maybe when judging the liability relating to the mistake of others we should consider how many times that we have been in that same error.

There was a case in Western Australia where several US Soldiers were held in remand for over 18 months over an alleged rape. On trial it was found that they were innocent of the rape but guilty of having sex with an underage girl. That represented 18 months taken from those men’s lives for a crime that they weren’t guilty of. The Australian Justice System fails again.

Locally if feels like people are never put away. I mean let’s face it, with the shooting last week Rocky is REALLY turning into the ghetto. I was driving down
Musgrave Street
last week and there was a kid on a pushbike playing with a handgun. Mr Man made me slow down so that he could have a better look and the kid was loading the cartridge. Then I heard that there was a gun case broken into and around 150 fire arms were stolen. That is 150 guns, on our streets, around our children, distributed amongst the criminally minded. That is scary!!!

But let’s let you be the judge! There is a guy and within a month he was caught driving over the limit, he smashed the windows of a local hotel and was tazered by police twice for not following direction. Police were notified to the latest incident by one of his children who said that their father had been drinking and was getting aggressive and violent to his grandparents. He ran at police a few times and was arrested and locked up. He was just seen by a judge who decided that he didn’t need to be put in jail, despite his history of alcoholism and mental illness, because his 10 year old daughter has been diagnosed with leukemia and being in prison meant he might miss the last of his daughters life. His current offences put him in breach of a previous suspended sentence he was issued for a previous offence and he will have to reappear. So this incident CLEARLY isn’t a one off and he has a history of breaking the law…but it’s okay because his daughter is sick! Now…I’m pretty sure, the normal reaction to news like leukemia is to cry or get sad or angry or be determined to do anything to save her. Not go one a month long bender, break windows, abuse your family, scare your kids and run at police! 6 months immediate suspended sentence and alcohol poisoning. What’s the bet this joker is in the paper again next week.

The system that is meant to be protecting us from violent weirdoes is just putting them straight back on the street. We have them walking down the front of our place all the time, swearing and screaming and telling us to come on the road to fight them…we were washing the car…are you serious?

It just seems like society is out of control and as upstanding citizens we are being punished for being good and well behaved. I know it sounds like I’m crrrraaaazy one sided but there are many circumstances surrounding an incident and there are two sides to every story but, I am calling it as I see it, and I can’t say that I like it!

Lock up your kids, your dogs and yourselves! YOU’RE GROUNDED!

Thursday, 23 June 2011

Keeping Him Interested

You finally snatch the man of your dreams. Everything is awesome and amazing. You have the same sense of humour, your friends love him, and he buys your flowers, takes you to dinner. Things couldn’t be better. Then you move in together and it’s like the honeymoon started all over again and there are candlelit dinners on the floor in the lounge room and notes left for you on the bathroom mirror. Then it slows down, the flowers come on your birthday, dinners on Valentine’s Day, the conversation disappears and you guys aren’t laughing as much as you used to. Then you notice that he is spending an awful lot of time with his friends and date night hasn’t happened in 2 years. Is it your fault?
Nope, it isn’t. Men are just like that. They will work as hard as they can to get the woman they want and then they just slack off because, let’s face it, he got you know, and you aren’t going to leave because you know how good he CAN be, and you don’t want anyone else to have him. This is such a cliché topic, Google it, see how many million pages of results come up. But I guess I’m here to give you an ordinary plain girl’s perspective on relationships and how to make sure they don’t disappear like that bit of chocolate you have hidden in the fridge behind the jars.
If you are to believe magazines like cosmos, to keep him interested in you sexually you need to say his name, get his keys out of his pocket, don’t talk to him and dye your hair. That sounds like a normal drunken fight with Mr Man! “Man what are you doooooiiinnnggg, nope if you are going over there then I am going home…seriously….nup…GIVE ME THE KEYS…oh god I’m bleaching my hair and moving to Africa – Goes home and doesn’t talk to him for a few hours - I’m soooorrrryyyy baby” it’s pretty much the stupidest thing that I have ever read in my whole life.
I guess, if you are going to start somewhere, it will be what do men want with women. They want someone who will clean the house, cook them dinner, wash their clothes, be independent and have lots of sex. Basically, that’s what we would be led to believe. That’s the general assumption about men isn’t it? I think they need Validation. He needs to know that you are proud of him, he needs validation every day that he is doing a good job. Try it…go up to him give him a kiss and say “have I told you how proud I am of you today?” The smile you will get will be large…or you will get “what are you sucking up for” Deep down he loved it!
Every relationship needs work, you can’t just go into it and let fate run its course otherwise you will end up breaking up. There will be highs and there will be lows but the measure of your strength is how you come through at the other end. I find that it’s always the little things that make a difference. Making his favourite cupcakes for him to take to work. Buying that Play station game that he has been talking about for ages. Buying him a present with a card listing all the reasons why you love him. Suggest for him to go fishing with a mate that he hasn’t seen for ages. Making his favourite dinner for him during a week he has been sooking for work. Planning a surprise weekend away to somewhere he has wanted to go but has never been. All of these things have worked for me in the past.
I went into this thinking it would be a really easy topic to cover, considering the assumption that there is out there about what men want. Sex and food. I feel like they want more than that. So I wrote a list, of things that I think a man would want, if he was going to be with a female long term. Then I put it to Mr Man, and he agreed with me, and asked a few of his mates and they also agreed with me, ladies, I think I might have it!
Be Attentive and Enthusiastic – (This is more for the start of the relationship) Gain his trust, build his confidence. Show genuine appreciation for what he has to offer. Laugh at his jokes (what’s love without a sense of humour)
Be warm and inviting, but keep your distance – Show him that you are interested then let him chase you, but don’t him chase you forever, he will get bored. Be forward on occasions and don’t act so precious. Chase him back, make him KNOW that you are interested, but only after he has put a little bit of effort in first.
When a Problem comes up, Act Positive – This is imperative! I found that I HAVE to be the person who always looks on the bright side, who sees the positives in every situation. You have to be the one to pick him up when things are looking down and find the good in everything. This is really attractive; it shows that you have a bright and happy personality, and who doesn’t want to be that bubbly person!
Keep him Wanting More – Don’t give it all away at once! You want him to be interested in who you are and be thinking about you when you aren’t around.
You need to start the relationship slowly. Don’t jump straight in; move straight in, that’s when problems happen because you are discovering each other’s imperfections way too early. If you take your time and go slowly you will discover these things as you go. His ability to leave catalogues ALL over the house. The fact that he can never put his socks in the washing basket. His belief that every liquid has to have its own cup. Little things like that can be ironed out in time but if thrown into a relationship and discovered to early, little things like that can end the relationship.
It goes without saying that you need to have common interests, otherwise what would you do on the weekends! Responsibilities might fall under that as well, where you might have an obsession with eating a Big Mac layer by layer and he might like to put sweet and sour sauce on his cheeseburgers. Its two completely different things but the fact is, you both eat Maccas like r-tards, and you are probably meant to be together! If you are lucky you will find someone that will share the housework if you share the mowing. Or that will ask you to come fishing so that you can relax and read a book. It’s working together and finding time for each other that is the key. Why not decide as a couple that you are going to go hiking once a month, and you are going to try somewhere different every time. Or that every weekend you are going to find a different walk, near your local beaches and parks, make a day of it, find somewhere secluded and have a picnic, it makes the walk worthwhile. I have a friend that took her boyfriend for a walk up a mountain, where there is no walking track, scaled it like monkeys and when they got up the top, sweaty and exhausted and red faced, he proposed to her, she had never been more beautiful that in that moment. The view is always better from the top; just have to make the effort to get up there.
Be natural and go with the flow. Don’t feel like you have to control everything and don’t play mind games, they aren’t fun. Be straightforward and honest. Develop a system where you are able to talk to each other about things that are annoying you. If me slacking off on the house work is annoying you…tell when it’s annoying you…not 6 months later when you get drunk and decide to cry about how bad everything is. If you have a list of things to get mad about that means that you aren’t being honest as it is happening and you are getting ammo. This is a deal breaker. Your relationship will be over after the first fight because it will be so tense and over the top someone will crack and call it quits. It’s very hard to come back from a situation like that! So don’t get cranky and bottle it up over time. Ask nicely and you will find that you will get a much nicer response.
Naughty weekends away are my favourite thing to do when I feel like we are getting stuck back into our routine and aren’t really laughing much. I book in holidays and I book a motel room somewhere he hasn’t been and we will leave on the Friday and come back on the Monday. Its 2 days off work and we come back, tired, but our relationship is refreshed and we have new stories and experiences. We try and do it every 6 months, and you don’t even have to go that far, resort near home? Go there for the weekend. Spas and cocktails save EVERYTHING! Or, book a motel in town with a spa and don’t say anything to him. Go over there and check in as soon as you can and set up the room how you want it, flower on the bed, candles, want to theme it up, do it. Turn the room into YOUR fantasy…and take a bag over there with clothes for the next day and anything else you may need (anyone say body chocolate?) Go home, tell him you have a surprise for him and tell him to put the blindfold on, put him in the car, drive around for like 30 min alternating direction and finding a road or a turnaround to resemble a highway (I did Rockhampton-Yeppoon-Emu Park-Rockhampton) get him out, take him up, take off your coat or whatever is covering your costume, stand in front of him, take the blindfold off, then let the magic happen. It’s a winner, EVERY time!
I know some of you will be saying “I’m not confident with that, I don’t like how I look blah blah blah” your man is with you because he likes you, the way you look, the way you talk, your sense of humour. He finds you sexy, whether you feel sexy or not is another issue all together but HE thinks you’re sexy. You could be in front of him covered in toilet paper and he would STILL think you’re sexy. I get into trouble ALL the time for my complaints about everything. My legs are fat, I have tuckshop arms, and my lips are too small. In return I get told that it doesn’t matter what I look like because I’m sexy to him. That makes me feel a little bit special.
When its love the little stuff doesn’t matter, it’s just important that you don’t get complacent. If you want it to last you keep working at it. You surprise him at every opportunity and make him feel just as special as he makes you feel. Get the butterflies back that were there at the start. Send cute little text messages, like he used to send you.  There are so many things that you can do, to keep him interested, but you have to make sure that you are worth being interested in. Keep being interesting. Because without that, you really have nothing left.