Thursday, 23 June 2011
Keeping Him Interested
You finally snatch the man of your dreams. Everything is awesome and amazing. You have the same sense of humour, your friends love him, and he buys your flowers, takes you to dinner. Things couldn’t be better. Then you move in together and it’s like the honeymoon started all over again and there are candlelit dinners on the floor in the lounge room and notes left for you on the bathroom mirror. Then it slows down, the flowers come on your birthday, dinners on Valentine’s Day, the conversation disappears and you guys aren’t laughing as much as you used to. Then you notice that he is spending an awful lot of time with his friends and date night hasn’t happened in 2 years. Is it your fault?
Nope, it isn’t. Men are just like that. They will work as hard as they can to get the woman they want and then they just slack off because, let’s face it, he got you know, and you aren’t going to leave because you know how good he CAN be, and you don’t want anyone else to have him. This is such a cliché topic, Google it, see how many million pages of results come up. But I guess I’m here to give you an ordinary plain girl’s perspective on relationships and how to make sure they don’t disappear like that bit of chocolate you have hidden in the fridge behind the jars.
If you are to believe magazines like cosmos, to keep him interested in you sexually you need to say his name, get his keys out of his pocket, don’t talk to him and dye your hair. That sounds like a normal drunken fight with Mr Man! “Man what are you doooooiiinnnggg, nope if you are going over there then I am going home…seriously….nup…GIVE ME THE KEYS…oh god I’m bleaching my hair and moving to Africa – Goes home and doesn’t talk to him for a few hours - I’m soooorrrryyyy baby” it’s pretty much the stupidest thing that I have ever read in my whole life.
I guess, if you are going to start somewhere, it will be what do men want with women. They want someone who will clean the house, cook them dinner, wash their clothes, be independent and have lots of sex. Basically, that’s what we would be led to believe. That’s the general assumption about men isn’t it? I think they need Validation. He needs to know that you are proud of him, he needs validation every day that he is doing a good job. Try it…go up to him give him a kiss and say “have I told you how proud I am of you today?” The smile you will get will be large…or you will get “what are you sucking up for” Deep down he loved it!
Every relationship needs work, you can’t just go into it and let fate run its course otherwise you will end up breaking up. There will be highs and there will be lows but the measure of your strength is how you come through at the other end. I find that it’s always the little things that make a difference. Making his favourite cupcakes for him to take to work. Buying that Play station game that he has been talking about for ages. Buying him a present with a card listing all the reasons why you love him. Suggest for him to go fishing with a mate that he hasn’t seen for ages. Making his favourite dinner for him during a week he has been sooking for work. Planning a surprise weekend away to somewhere he has wanted to go but has never been. All of these things have worked for me in the past.
I went into this thinking it would be a really easy topic to cover, considering the assumption that there is out there about what men want. Sex and food. I feel like they want more than that. So I wrote a list, of things that I think a man would want, if he was going to be with a female long term. Then I put it to Mr Man, and he agreed with me, and asked a few of his mates and they also agreed with me, ladies, I think I might have it!
Be Attentive and Enthusiastic – (This is more for the start of the relationship) Gain his trust, build his confidence. Show genuine appreciation for what he has to offer. Laugh at his jokes (what’s love without a sense of humour)
Be warm and inviting, but keep your distance – Show him that you are interested then let him chase you, but don’t him chase you forever, he will get bored. Be forward on occasions and don’t act so precious. Chase him back, make him KNOW that you are interested, but only after he has put a little bit of effort in first.
When a Problem comes up, Act Positive – This is imperative! I found that I HAVE to be the person who always looks on the bright side, who sees the positives in every situation. You have to be the one to pick him up when things are looking down and find the good in everything. This is really attractive; it shows that you have a bright and happy personality, and who doesn’t want to be that bubbly person!
Keep him Wanting More – Don’t give it all away at once! You want him to be interested in who you are and be thinking about you when you aren’t around.
You need to start the relationship slowly. Don’t jump straight in; move straight in, that’s when problems happen because you are discovering each other’s imperfections way too early. If you take your time and go slowly you will discover these things as you go. His ability to leave catalogues ALL over the house. The fact that he can never put his socks in the washing basket. His belief that every liquid has to have its own cup. Little things like that can be ironed out in time but if thrown into a relationship and discovered to early, little things like that can end the relationship.
It goes without saying that you need to have common interests, otherwise what would you do on the weekends! Responsibilities might fall under that as well, where you might have an obsession with eating a Big Mac layer by layer and he might like to put sweet and sour sauce on his cheeseburgers. Its two completely different things but the fact is, you both eat Maccas like r-tards, and you are probably meant to be together! If you are lucky you will find someone that will share the housework if you share the mowing. Or that will ask you to come fishing so that you can relax and read a book. It’s working together and finding time for each other that is the key. Why not decide as a couple that you are going to go hiking once a month, and you are going to try somewhere different every time. Or that every weekend you are going to find a different walk, near your local beaches and parks, make a day of it, find somewhere secluded and have a picnic, it makes the walk worthwhile. I have a friend that took her boyfriend for a walk up a mountain, where there is no walking track, scaled it like monkeys and when they got up the top, sweaty and exhausted and red faced, he proposed to her, she had never been more beautiful that in that moment. The view is always better from the top; just have to make the effort to get up there.
Be natural and go with the flow. Don’t feel like you have to control everything and don’t play mind games, they aren’t fun. Be straightforward and honest. Develop a system where you are able to talk to each other about things that are annoying you. If me slacking off on the house work is annoying you…tell when it’s annoying you…not 6 months later when you get drunk and decide to cry about how bad everything is. If you have a list of things to get mad about that means that you aren’t being honest as it is happening and you are getting ammo. This is a deal breaker. Your relationship will be over after the first fight because it will be so tense and over the top someone will crack and call it quits. It’s very hard to come back from a situation like that! So don’t get cranky and bottle it up over time. Ask nicely and you will find that you will get a much nicer response.
Naughty weekends away are my favourite thing to do when I feel like we are getting stuck back into our routine and aren’t really laughing much. I book in holidays and I book a motel room somewhere he hasn’t been and we will leave on the Friday and come back on the Monday. Its 2 days off work and we come back, tired, but our relationship is refreshed and we have new stories and experiences. We try and do it every 6 months, and you don’t even have to go that far, resort near home? Go there for the weekend. Spas and cocktails save EVERYTHING! Or, book a motel in town with a spa and don’t say anything to him. Go over there and check in as soon as you can and set up the room how you want it, flower on the bed, candles, want to theme it up, do it. Turn the room into YOUR fantasy…and take a bag over there with clothes for the next day and anything else you may need (anyone say body chocolate?) Go home, tell him you have a surprise for him and tell him to put the blindfold on, put him in the car, drive around for like 30 min alternating direction and finding a road or a turnaround to resemble a highway (I did Rockhampton-Yeppoon-Emu Park-Rockhampton) get him out, take him up, take off your coat or whatever is covering your costume, stand in front of him, take the blindfold off, then let the magic happen. It’s a winner, EVERY time!
I know some of you will be saying “I’m not confident with that, I don’t like how I look blah blah blah” your man is with you because he likes you, the way you look, the way you talk, your sense of humour. He finds you sexy, whether you feel sexy or not is another issue all together but HE thinks you’re sexy. You could be in front of him covered in toilet paper and he would STILL think you’re sexy. I get into trouble ALL the time for my complaints about everything. My legs are fat, I have tuckshop arms, and my lips are too small. In return I get told that it doesn’t matter what I look like because I’m sexy to him. That makes me feel a little bit special.
When its love the little stuff doesn’t matter, it’s just important that you don’t get complacent. If you want it to last you keep working at it. You surprise him at every opportunity and make him feel just as special as he makes you feel. Get the butterflies back that were there at the start. Send cute little text messages, like he used to send you. There are so many things that you can do, to keep him interested, but you have to make sure that you are worth being interested in. Keep being interesting. Because without that, you really have nothing left.