Tuesday, 21 June 2011

Whisper in my Ear

We all have a friend that we are able to talk to about anything. They listen to us cry when the world is so heavy we feel like we are going to collapse. They celebrate with us when something amazing happens and they listen to us talk about things that we can never tell anyone else in the world. We love spending time with them and you don’t really appreciate the weight that they hold on their shoulders because of your secrets. What happens if there is a big fight and your secrets are released?

It is the most devastating thing that can happen to a person and it’s very hard to come back from something like that. Depending on the severity of the secret you can potentially lose everything, or the person you love, or your job. The consequences are endless; still there is nothing that we can do about it. Once the secret has passed your lips and traveled to the ears of someone else, the information is pretty hard to keep contained.

We don’t specifically head out trying to find someone to tell these secrets too…sometimes it’s the first person you talk to, because you’re so excited you just can’t hold it in anymore. Sometimes you think about it for a while, judging how your friends would react to the news and chose the one best selected for the information. Sometimes it’s about one friend from another friend…and you play gossip or instigator. You just have to be sure that the person you are telling these things to can handle and appreciate the weight of the information.

Having someone tell your secret is a breach of trust and depending on the weight of the secret you might not ever be able to come back from it. You will sit around wondering why, what did I do, I wish I didn’t say anything. But there is really nothing that you can do but hope and pray that the person holding your personal information doesn’t chose to share it with anyone. I have secrets, and I share them with a small group of friends, ones that I know will probably say something, ones that I know will tell me what I want to hear and ones that will hold it close to their heart and guide me through the problem.

But what have you done to make a trusted friend reveal your darkest secret? In some cases you might have said something to them that they didn’t like or appreciate. In others you might have revealed some information to someone else that will change their perspective of them. In other cases you might have put the interest of someone else over theirs. In any case you have thought about them second and not first.

Maybe you thought that you were doing the right thing and that the information you released was helping someone else through a stage in their life. In any case you probably shouldn’t have released the information at all, and as that person is holding a secret for you, maybe this should have been held for them. It’s a sticky situation and I guess no matter what you do, someone is going to get hurt. If your trust is breached it will be you, if their trust is breached it will be them, if you don’t release information it will be the other person. Either way you are going to do something to hurt someone.

Once its out it can never be taken back, the hurt is there, the betrayal is there, the relationship is no longer easy going and the carefree attitude you once had will be gone forever. The way that we handle these situations is imperative. The things that we say matter. Our actions count. Everyone has been in this situation once or twice.

The key here is, don’t have secrets. If you have done something wrong you should tell the person that you love. If you are hiding something from your employer then you should come clean. If you have heard someone say something about a friend you should call them on it and not let it sit. But that would be a perfect world, and that is not what we live in. Impulse control is what we need. To stop the need to whisper that information into someone’s ear. That way you can be loyal to who you want to be without the fear of repercussions or heartbreak.

They will have a place in your heart forever, and the photos on the wall will remain. The testament of your relationship is the reconciliation and the ability to move past it. Friends will always be family; they will always be there to support and love you. As long as you don’t forget it, and they don’t forget it, you can whisper in their ear as much as you want, without worrying about retaliation. Isn’t that one of the most important parts about being a friend, being able to trust them? Because without trust, you really have nothing left.

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